Anti-Hero

I was dumped by a super hero.

Not recently. Like 3 months ago. Wait, is that recent?

I wasn’t really that broken up about it. It’s not like we were picking puppy names or anything (It would be “Krypto”, no doubt) . But as a comic book fan, it was my dream! But I knew she didn’t dig me that much. I don’t think I was nerdy enough for her. Which is weird. It’s like a girl in a wheelchair dumping a dude because he walks too slow. I wasn’t quick enough with the films or savvy enough with the lingo, I get it. But how many people really know the name of Batman’s mother?

Yeah, Google it, because you have no idea either.

And I guess she wasn’t a “super hero” per say, I don’t want you to get carried away and think I landed Wonder Woman or Black Widow or something. I mean this girl dressed like one though, a lot.

A Cosplayer named Erica

I thought we’d have some connection. I kind of hoped that she’d be my nerdy queen and I would be her exalted king…with social skills and muscles. I figured she’d only been with duds that read comics with plastic gloves and who’ve only seen vagina on the internet. I felt I was a shoe in. You know, a “real” man, a man who has a healthy Star Wars obsession that’s perfectly normal.

I own two lightsabers and I’m not afraid to share that with you lovely single ladies out there 😉

We went to go see “The Wolverine” on our first date. It was a big mistake. It was like watching an episode of “House” with an actual neurologist or surgeon.

“Really House, really!? You think it’s Encephalitis?? IT’S A FUCKING STROKE YOU TWIT!”

“That would never really happen on the operating table.”

“Nurses like that don’t even really exist.”

“Let me work at this hospital for one day and I will clean up all the bureaucratic nonsense!”

Yeah, imagine sitting through two hours of that.

She tore the movie to pieces and she was pretty much annoyed the entire time. I mean I didn’t dig it that much either. I just didn’t like the acting that much. But she specifically knew everything she hated. From the lack of good baddies to the made up storyline that had nothing in common with the original. Wolverine’s lack of special abilities, the premise, his hair…blah…blah…blah. It was rough.

BUT against my better judgement, I continued to see Erica. I thought to myself, “Hey, I’m way too cool to ever be dumped by a girl who wears spandex and masks outside kinky sex situations and Halloween. There is no way.” There is a way, and she found it.

“I really like hanging out with you, but I really don’t wanna go on any more dates,” she said. “You can erase me from Facebook and never talk to me again and I’d understand.”

Did she really have to add in the last part? It was like she was saying. “I know I’m awesome. Please don’t stalk me just because you can’t let this go.”

I’m not God’s gift or anything, but I was still baffled.

Fangirls aren’t the way they were in the 90s. I remember the biggest thing for girls to love was “Tank Girl”, and they would wear those big pants, and shave part of their head. And for that, they would by chased down by the popular girls like Werewolves in colonial villages. Dudes always thought they were high and weird and most stayed away. They figured it was an odd art class thing. And if anyone knows about having 3 art classes in one day, you know that EVERYONE outside those classes thought you were crazy.

Now they have a slew of pimple-faced, World of Warcraft champions and goggle wearing, steampunk enthusiasts waiting online for them. Waiting on message boards and comment sections on movie trailer sites. Waiting to meet up with these ladies at Comic-con…and act really, super awkward. That’s the litter though. And a nice girl with good costume taste can just frolic and choose who she pleases. What’s a man with clear skin, misanthropic ideals and comedic wit gonna do against that army?

Over generalize via blog, that’s what!

Till next time.