Anti-Hero

24

December 5, 2013 by Manny Wordsmith

I was dumped by a super hero.

Not recently. Like 3 months ago. Wait, is that recent?

I wasn’t really that broken up about it. It’s not like we were picking puppy names or anything (It would be “Krypto”, no doubt) . But as a comic book fan, it was my dream! But I knew she didn’t dig me that much. I don’t think I was nerdy enough for her. Which is weird. It’s like a girl in a wheelchair dumping a dude because he walks too slow. I wasn’t quick enough with the films or savvy enough with the lingo, I get it. But how many people really know the name of Batman’s mother?

Yeah, Google it, because you have no idea either.

And I guess she wasn’t a “super hero” per say, I don’t want you to get carried away and think I landed Wonder Woman or Black Widow or something. I mean this girl dressed like one though, a lot.

A Cosplayer named Erica

I thought we’d have some connection. I kind of hoped that she’d be my nerdy queen and I would be her exalted king…with social skills and muscles. I figured she’d only been with duds that read comics with plastic gloves and who’ve only seen vagina on the internet. I felt I was a shoe in. You know, a “real” man, a man who has a healthy Star Wars obsession that’s perfectly normal.

I own two lightsabers and I’m not afraid to share that with you lovely single ladies out there 😉

We went to go see “The Wolverine” on our first date. It was a big mistake. It was like watching an episode of “House” with an actual neurologist or surgeon.

“Really House, really!? You think it’s Encephalitis?? IT’S A FUCKING STROKE YOU TWIT!”

“That would never really happen on the operating table.”

“Nurses like that don’t even really exist.”

“Let me work at this hospital for one day and I will clean up all the bureaucratic nonsense!”

Yeah, imagine sitting through two hours of that.

She tore the movie to pieces and she was pretty much annoyed the entire time. I mean I didn’t dig it that much either. I just didn’t like the acting that much. But she specifically knew everything she hated. From the lack of good baddies to the made up storyline that had nothing in common with the original. Wolverine’s lack of special abilities, the premise, his hair…blah…blah…blah. It was rough.

BUT against my better judgement, I continued to see Erica. I thought to myself, “Hey, I’m way too cool to ever be dumped by a girl who wears spandex and masks outside kinky sex situations and Halloween. There is no way.” There is a way, and she found it.

“I really like hanging out with you, but I really don’t wanna go on any more dates,” she said. “You can erase me from Facebook and never talk to me again and I’d understand.”

Did she really have to add in the last part? It was like she was saying. “I know I’m awesome. Please don’t stalk me just because you can’t let this go.”

I’m not God’s gift or anything, but I was still baffled.

Fangirls aren’t the way they were in the 90s. I remember the biggest thing for girls to love was “Tank Girl”, and they would wear those big pants, and shave part of their head. And for that, they would by chased down by the popular girls like Werewolves in colonial villages. Dudes always thought they were high and weird and most stayed away. They figured it was an odd art class thing. And if anyone knows about having 3 art classes in one day, you know that EVERYONE outside those classes thought you were crazy.

Now they have a slew of pimple-faced, World of Warcraft champions and goggle wearing, steampunk enthusiasts waiting online for them. Waiting on message boards and comment sections on movie trailer sites. Waiting to meet up with these ladies at Comic-con…and act really, super awkward. That’s the litter though. And a nice girl with good costume taste can just frolic and choose who she pleases. What’s a man with clear skin, misanthropic ideals and comedic wit gonna do against that army?

Over generalize via blog, that’s what!

Till next time.

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24 thoughts on “Anti-Hero

  1. Nerdy girl in California who thinks you are crap says:

    “Only dated dudes who have seen vagina on the internet” wow maybe it didn’t work out not because of the fact you weren’t “nerdy” enough, maybe it was because you were a misogynistic piece of shit. Maybe dating you is like a person out in the ocean drinking salt water. Fuck you and your stereotypes because I bet Martha Wayne’s ass you’re nowhere near as cool as you think you are and most likely have a small penis.

    • Wow, you are angry. And I’ve never been called a misogynistic piece of shit before. Definitely new. Sorry you didn’t enjoy my post. I’m not gonna apologize for my mean spirited take on cosplay and comic culture. I remember when it was an exclusive club and you actually felt cool knowing weird stuff even though the popular people didn’t. But now you are the popular ones. Our society is in love with nerds. There’s no more widgies or swirlies. No more getting made fun of for having Green Arrow on your binder. So guess what? You are now open for some comedic writing and criticism. I’m not ripping apart any sacred cows or anything. If you take this all too seriously I’m sure there’s a comic blog a stones throw away that will suit you fine.

  2. Fellow cosplayer says:

    Trust me sir, Erica sounds WAAAAAAAAY too good for you.

    And Aquaman is a badass. A CERTIFIED BADASS.

    • Let’s be honest Jason, what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t share your upsets and misgivings. Unlike the girl who commented above, I hope you can see that I’m making fun of myself in all this also. Imperfect in every way.

  3. Snikt, bub says:

    This is gross. Like, incredibly so. Maybe she dumped you because you CLEARLY didn’t respect her. If you did, you wouldn’t be saying shit like ‘Hey, I’m way too cool to ever be dumped by a girl who wears spandex and masks outside kinky sex situations and Halloween. There is no way.’ and that you continued dating her ‘against your better judgement’.

    If that’s the way you treat the people you go out with, no wonder she dumped your sorry ass. Take your ego down about a hundred notches, bub. You AREN’T God’s gift to women. Geeky girls don’t need to worship at your feet just because you aren’t a ‘pimple-faced, World of Warcraft champions’ or ‘goggle wearing, steampunk enthusiast’. If anything, you should be grateful she deigned to go out with you when you clearly believe she has thousands of options out there for her.

    • You seriously can’t sit outside of your sub-culture for one minute and laugh? I’m not doing this from an ivory tower. I’m doing it from eye level. How can you not see me giving myself useless back handed compliments? If Erica was jock I would have made a whole post making fun of that. If she was a cook, I would have somehow rolled in a joke about me not being the Top Chef. Just because she’s a nerd doesn’t make her any less of a bitch. You guys aren’t special because you go to conventions or have YouTube videos reviewing the latest Marvel flick. You can be dicks and fucktards like everyone else. Read the wheelchair analogy again.

      • Snikt, bub says:

        Except… It has nothing to do with you mocking nerd/geeks and everything to do with you calling a woman a bitch for, rather kindly imo, dumping you. I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark here and guess you consider yourself a ‘nice guy’, hmm?

        Plus, you come out with “Did she really have to add in the last part? It was like she was saying. “I know I’m awesome. Please don’t stalk me just because you can’t let this go.”” when literally all she said was ‘You CAN delete me from Facebook if you want’. She was giving you an out in case just hanging out (which she said she was ok with) was too uncomfortable for you.

        If you can’t handle being dumped without automatically categorizing the person who did the dumping a ‘bitch’ then perhaps you should stop dating and grow up a little.

      • Thank you mysterious commentator. I will take all your kind words to heart and use them to blossom into a new being.

        But c’mon, it’s just a blog post. In a week I will write another and I’m sure you’ll find someone else you don’t like and you’ll tell that person why.

        I don’t see the point of being a good writer when you can’t use it to make fun of yourself and others. Don’t be a sourpuss.

        Anyway, faceless commentator, I do respect your opinion and I hope you have a good night.

  4. A girl who would never have sex with you, ever says:

    I don’t even know where to start.

    1) you have an extremely misinformed, unrealistic view of how women are expected to behave in society.

    2) your post reeks of insecurity. Hypermasculinity (like comparing yourself to what you think male cosplayers look like as if you’re goddamn Hercules) is a cover up for inner issues like inferior sexual performance or wanting the d in your b.

    3) all of my friends are fuxking gorgeous so you can take your stereotype and shove it up your ass

    4) I’m sure no one tells you to shut the fuck up when you know football/baseball/etc’s names so again, you can take your criticism and shove that up there, too.

    5) tank girl was an awesome fucking movie you piece of shit.

    6) I don’t blame her for running. You come off as the biggest douche bag ever. The only reason people probably date you is because you seem to be articulate. It probably takes them a date or two to see the real you. Which, BTW, is a piece of shit.

    6)Did I mention you’re a piece of shit? It would be appropriate, too, since you’re probably going to take something up your butt at some point in your life. I can only hope its a big fat dildo.

    • I am articulate. But that’s the only thing you got right in there. Read any of my other blog posts and tell me if you think the same.

      Anywho, I have some points to make.

      1) Yes, I am making fun of cosplay. In the same way someone would make fun of anything. If I left out all the comic stuff, you wouldn’t even be here. It’s that part alone that ruffles your feathers. No one likes over generalizations. But that was on purpose. What kind of person thinks that a sub-culture of millions of people all boil down to Wow and Steampunk?

      2) I’m a nerd too. Why else would I name my dog Krypto or have 2 lightsabers? Which is actually 1 because it’s Darth Maul’s…but separated. I’m saying this to back out of what I wrote, but understand that I’m able to hit those nerves of yours because I’m one of you.

      3) I’m making fun of myself also, being over exaggerate with my imagery. You’re meant to see my insecurity. Not in the way that you described, but you’re meant to see that I was actually pretty hurt by it. But at the same time, laugh at how ridiculous it all is.

      4) Sometimes I forget strangers also read my blog if I have the right tags.

      So you can continue you to think what you like about me, because you’re just words on a computer. Just know that Erica isn’t her real name and she is not being hurt by this…because she doesn’t even know this exists. But you, yourself go out of your way to personally defend a complete stranger, just to protect a sub-culture that doesn’t need help.

      • Nerdy girl in California who thinks you are crap says:

        You need to get over the sub culture bullshit part, and I don’t have to know this girl to defend her. Yeah, nerds are cool now in part to shows like Big Bang Theory (which also happens to be shitty and misogynistic, I bet you love it) but you’re missing the point completely of what all of us are saying.

        You are piece of shit, it doesn’t matter what sub culture you are mocking. You are still a deluded little man child who is angry because he probably thinks he got pushed into this so called phantom friend zone and didn’t get laid. Woe is you.

      • So what you’re trying to say is that I’m just a big meany. And regardless of how many points I make defending my chosen form of comedy, I’m still just a big meany head for writing about a girl who dumped me? Now I know how Taylor Swift feels 😦

  5. Fuck you you fucking fucker says:

    Alright, I’m gonna be real here, and I never use this word unless I really think they deserve it, but you’re a fucking cunt okay? If she doesn’t want to date you, that’s her fucking prerogative. You don’t have to like it but you don’t get to be an entitled little bitch about it either and that’s exactly what you’re coming off as here. They’re right, you’re being a nice guy in the worst way right here, shit talking someone because they weren’t into you. Guess what? This happened to me in high school all the time! Did I go on and talk shit to the entire student body about how much of a bitch she is cause she didn’t like me? No! Did I act entitled because she probably wouldn’t fuck me if I tried? NO! I GOT THE FUCK OVER IT YOU STUPID SORRY ASS PIECE OF SHIT. If that’s how you’re going to go about getting rejected, or in this case, being told she’s not romantically interested in you, you don’t deserve a girlfriend. You don’t even deserve a cheap hooker. You deserve a boot in the ass, a brick upside your head and maybe an STD or five while we’re at it.

    • “When it came to this girl. I thought we’d have some connection. I kind of hoped that she’d be my nerdy queen and I would be her exalted king…with social skills and muscles. I figured she’d only been with duds that read comics with plastic gloves and who’ve only seen vagina on the internet. I felt I was a shoe in. You know, a “real” man, a man who has a healthy Star Wars obsession that’s perfectly normal.

      I own two lightsabers and I’m not afraid to share that with you lovely single ladies out there ;-)”

      That whole thing was the punchline. That’s how you know that this is meant to be funny. I’m being mean spirited on purpose, but yeah, the only effect it was supposed to leave was, “This guy is a silly idiot.” You are crazy to get this mad. Can’t believe you called me a cunt lol. First time and I’m seriously hurting from laughing so hard.

  6. I think all of these comments are spot on and If you think you’re a “good writer” or that anything you wrote Is “good writing” then you should probably think again. Because I’ve shit out better things than what you call good writing. Plain and simple, you’re a dick. A big, fat, dick. And nothing you say Is going to change that. The shit you wrote, Is exactly that. Shit. She’s far too good for you. Good luck finding a woman who will put up with your bullshit views. I have something for you to google. Google “How not to be an asshole. ” If you know how to google that Is. I can’t tell from the amount of stupidity that Is radiating off you. And her name Is Martha Wayne, you moron. PS. You’re a dick.

    • But YOU READ it! How though? How did you find my blog? Was it the tagging or the title? Get off your high horse for a second and relax. Laugh at the stupidity of it all. A nerd getting dumped by another nerd and that nerd thinking that he’s actually better than said nerd, because of what else is in the sea. Even though the imagery of all of it is supposed to be too absurd to be taking seriously, you and everyone else who commented somehow got it all wrong. But that’s ok. I’m sure my views for this page will grow as you and everyone else continues to get more angry.

  7. Erica says:

    This hurt a lot, Manny.

    • Blatant buffoonery. I’m the idiot in this. That’s the whole point of the post. I’m not trying to look cool. Yeah I’m poking fun and using actually facts, but the focus isn’t on Erica, it’s on me. Like a meat head trying to explain to his friends how he got dumped. Imagine every thing being said in a Jersey Shore accent. It won’t help, but that was my angle. A little laugh at fan girls and a lot of laugh at outsiders looking in. But I guess the cookie crumbled differently.

      • Erica says:

        Maybe I should’ve signed it Erin but it’s obvious you wouldn’t believe me anyway. I know you didn’t MEAN to, that you were trying to be funny but it….hurt reading. Good luck in life.

  8. Wow!!!…..So am i the only one here that thought this was HILAROUS!??. Maybe it’s because i actually know this guy and know he’s not what everyone is calling him out to be but i gotta admit even if I was reading this from a complete stranger it CLEARLY shows from the beginning that this is a joke. As a lover of House I absolutely died laughing at the refereces used and completely was able to paint a picture of what happened at the movie. Side note: I hated the movie too lol. To see people get so angry i’m just confused?? My point of view from this is there is a nerdy girl who passes up on a guy that understands the nerd world but is still normal as of the aspect of athletic and isnt a stereotypical portral of a nerd (For whoever used the big bang their….one of those guys as an example). I was more intrigued by that outcome than i was feeling bad for her or hating the storyteller. All in all this was a great laugh for me haha i loved it. I’m thinking that people are reading way to into it when it is just comedic at heart.

  9. Tommy Carr says:

    As long as she didn’t leave any Teeth marks!!!!

  10. TheRaginCajun says:

    wow as a fellow comic and sci-fi nerd I was clearly able to see the humor in all of this and that it was nothing more than a comical view on the mans dating life. Heaven forbid that anyone write about the humors of dating and tells a tale through the eyes of his own experience, lets not forget that none of us were there or shared in this experience. To all of the horrible responses that have posted to the writers blog, your response are a true mirror reflection of how shitty our society has become and how desperate we all are to tear each other down and show the world how big and bad we all are. To all of the negative comments left I honestly think you all are the biggest pieces of shite ever and are the reason the comic/sci-fi culture that I was raised on and love dearly has become another elitist movement where the price of admission is not applicable to everyone but only decided by those who deem you worthy. You fanboys/ fangirls are not the all being, all knowing oracles that you think you are. Its like highschool all over again yet this time its reversed and the Nerds have the power and they are bigger assholes than the jocks so now like the fat overweight kid with a magnifying glass torturing ants on the sidewalk the Nerds have the magnifying glass. Clearly this piece was a satire on the mans dating experience and if your too fucking stupid to realize it, than I implore you to find mommy and daddys handgun in the dresser drawer and end your life because the world doesn’t need the likes of another bully like you.

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