Big Cup of Juice

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May 10, 2014 by Manny Wordsmith

I didn’t see it at first.

All I saw was her smile, easing over the top of her steering wheel as she stopped. She was a nice stranger who had the common decency to let me out of the subdivision I was trapped in. The construction on Van Dyke Road only made it harder to cruise through the side streets of southeast Warren. I felt like the young lady knew of troubles and hard times in traffic. I imagined her getting cut off all week, spilling coffee on her cardigan and getting to work late. She probably has a dick boss that shoots passes at her even though she underplays her beauty and wears skirts that tap the front of her shins, I thought. So that day was the day she turned down her Colbie Calliat CD, stayed calm, and actually paid it forward. So I nodded politely as I eased out on to Van Dyke. And from the corner of my eye I see the petite young woman drink out of the biggest Styrofoam cup I had ever seen.

Maybe 44 ounces? Or more? Who needs that much liquid anyway? If you’re stuck, don’t worry, I’ve compiled a list.

White, college girls in wet t-shirt contests

wettshirt Parched travelers lost in the desert

vlcsnap-2012-06-23-21h43m10s4 People in hell

well-people-in-hell-want-ice-water.american-apparel-unisex-organic-tee.pomegranate.w760h760 Abe Sapien from “Hellboy”


Jennifer Beals from “Flashdance”

Jennifer Beals Flashdance

And maybe this kid

Home Alone1

But the young lady I caught eyes with for only a second didn’t need a cup she literally had to pick up with two hands! There was so much traffic ahead of her. I got worried and concerned. Who loves drank that much? Was there Ecto-Cooler in there? Maybe that blue Hawaiian Punch that only comes by the gallon? I knew she was gonna have to pee sooner than later. And that really got me thinking. Especially knowing that women are more susceptible to urinary tract infections! I just wanted to lean out of my work van and say, ” Your choice in beverage size is way too large sweetheart, and too aggressive.”

But it was obvious that she was tired of being pushed around on the road. And what was her comeback? Her defining moment that would show all the asses in the world that she meant business? A giant cup of juice. A cup a juice that had to be squeezed between her thighs because no cup holder was accommodating enough.

I don’t know if you made it safely to the bathroom, or if you finally told off your pervert boss. But I thank you anyway young miss for letting me out. Cheers to you juice fanatic…cheers to YOU!


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