The Porn Hoarder

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January 6, 2014 by Manny Wordsmith

I don’t even know how to start this.

I guess it would be good to first explain why I was there in the first place. I’m a cable guy for a well-known company. And my job involves me going into people’s homes to install their service. On a busy week, I’ll probably go to about 20 houses, all in different areas of Southeastern Michigan. So you can say I see a lot of things. But yesterday was the first time I had seen this…

It was snowy and wet and I didn’t really want to be at work. Today’s big snowfall was pending and not making any of the driving I had to do any easier. My first stop was to an older gentleman’s home. Let’s call him Cliff. Cliff was a black man, maybe 62 or 3. An electrician and heating and cooling expert by trade. He lived in his Detroit home alone, with visits by his grandkids and “girl” from time to time. It was a big place, 3 bedrooms including an attic loft. He needed service hooked up on 3 televisions so I was all over that place. And there was one constant in all the rooms.

Porn.

And not just like a magazine or a single DVD. Cliff had boxes and boxes of porn. They were stashed in corners, stacked on top of shelves, smashed under beds. Every where I turned, there was a dark-skinned woman staring at me with enticing eyes and exposed love muffins. But it wasn’t a high-class stash. I could tell by the covers that Cliff liked the filthy basement porn. The kind of porn that’s created by a man with a camera, a bag of coke, and drunk Janelle from down the street. These were the type of films that were sold in your local liquor stores or head shops. The kind that owners try to quaintly cover up with cardboard or wood. But you know what’s back there. You know there is a collage of beastly women in G-strings and nipple tassels slathered with giant words like ASS, CUM, SEXY and BOOTY. YOU KNOW!

That’s what Cliff liked. And I’m not judging. No man knows the reasonable amount of porn to have. 3, maybe 6 films? A revolving bookshelf that leads to a secret basement filled from top to bottom? Who knows. The craziest thing about this situation is that the smut was everywhere.

Our society finds everything so taboo. If these were books everywhere, I wouldn’t have blinked twice. I would’ve been pleasantly surprised even. It probably would’ve struck up an enlightening convo about literature, prose and the art of storytelling. But the Porn King didn’t have books. He had big booty women bent over with yellow stars covering their cushy parts. So a conversation wasn’t started. But what if I did start one?

“So I was skimming through your collection upstairs and I noticed that you had no Asian DVD’s. Why?”

“Vietnam. I had a village woman bite my right nipple off. Now whenever I see a naked Asian woman I get phantom nipple pains.”

“Tragic.”

While I didn’t take any pics to document my historic find of the largest cache of hood porn, I did write some of the names down.

Blacks on Blacks #8

Big Black Wet Booty #2

Sweet Dark Cherry

Booty Hole

I’m sure I’ll see people who hoard cats, newspapers, books, or kitchen Tupperware. But Cliff, with his love beautiful brown backsides, will always be on the top of my list. So cheers to you Cliff and may your right hand never grow tired!

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