January 15, 2013 by Manny Wordsmith
I’m taking Matt Barwin’s advice on this one…
It’s been a hectic couple of months, but I’m back, slathering the internet with ingenious thoughts and mind-blowing insight!
Where have I been you ask?
Fighting ninjas mostly, but also going on dates with women. All sorts too. Short, fat, skinny, unsure, confident, some with babies, some with dogs, cats, yeah they were around there somewhere, college grads, dropouts. The gamut has been ran. And do you know what I realized? My taste in women fucking blows.
“Oh hey girl with bad hair and confidence problems, do you like my jokes? Sweet! I hope you like pizza and LOTS of talking, because I’m about two things: A good pie and some strong conversation! Your favorite movie is what? Finding Nemo? Like of all-time? Sure that’s fine! It makes sense that a 28-year-old adult would choose a Disney movie as her favorite. I bet you love watching it in your Princess bed, while you get your hair braided by your cousin with the braces huh? Yeah? You see, I knew we’d get along! My favorite? Karate Kid! There’s something about the story of a kid from the bottom overcoming…what? You’ve never seen it? Or heard of it? Oh that’s fine, we probably have other things in common…”
Nothing in common. But I smiled and nodded, hoping that this girl, who couldn’t even keep eye contact with me, would pop out of her shell with a crane kick and show me something awesome about herself. But I got nothing. Instead, she told me a long story about how she comes home and cries, everyday after work. EVERY SINGLE DAY. She just lets it out. And if it doesn’t come out naturally, she’ll watch “The Notebook” to get things rolling in the right direction. She said, and I quote, “It’s the healthiest thing I do.”
And when I tried to make light of this revelation by mentioning the Dane Cook stand-up of a similar subject, she had never even seen it! Or heard of it at that matter, or knew who Dane Cook was.
And yet, I called her to see if a second date was possible. Oddly enough, she was too busy, probably soaking up tears in her Nemo pillow.
The fact that I was disappointed, I knew what was up. Well, I didn’t really know, or I wouldn’t be writing this, but the fact is that I think I was a wee bit desperate. Me, right? How? Shitty summer, no money, low self-worth. But Fall came, got money and some new restored confidence and assumed I was ready to hit the streets. But alas, the ratty-haired cry-a-thon was the best I could do at the moment, which reminded me how much I enjoyed dating girls who were no good for me. Oh how easy it is to become nostalgic.
I won’t bore you with the rest of the horrible stories of mix-matched loved in the horribly bland Metro Detroit area, instead I’ll make a promise to write a lot more this year (Only 44 posts last year) and keep you all informed when I find someone worth calling back. Till then, peace!
Oh and if you see anyone who looks like World Famous Surfer Coco Ho, give her my number!
Hello there 🙂