In Repair

1

July 9, 2012 by Manny Wordsmith

I’ve listened to a lot of John Mayer lately. In particular, his song “In Repair”. I didn’t even like the song at first. I used to skip it. Something about the sound of the guitars or something. Anyway, John (Yes, we’re on first name basis) sings about getting his shit straight after having a broken-heart.

While I’m not exactly recovering from a broken-heart, I am repairing everything else in my life. And I’m a firm believer that most people, at least good people, don’t want to open their hearts to someone who doesn’t have their life in some sort of order.

Crazy things happen all the time though. And love really doesn’t wait. If something is meant to be, it will be, whether you’re ready for it or not. But I’m growing everyday and realizing that women my age like stability and safer risks. I’m a damn leaf in the wind right now. I wouldn’t bet on myself, but I’m repairing all the loose pieces and gearing up to be in tip-top shape.

I unexpectedly ran into an old flame last Saturday. Let’s call her Carly.

It had been months since I’ve seen her, and the last time was a mess. I didn’t think I was ready to see her…at all. But she’d been on my mind a lot, especially since I’ve started working with a girl who looks just like her (God really has a sense of humor doesn’t he?). So it was weird when Carly walked into the club, looking fantastic. I played it cool though. We drank, we chit-chatted and even danced a bit. 2 months ago I would’ve been all up in her ass, squawking Drake lyrics at her, and making fun of her boyfriend (who by the way has enough sand in his vagina to build a life-sized sand castle). I would’ve been dripping in high school charm, hoping that my belligerence and false bravado would get me a handy in the parking lot. While this may seem fun to most, I really want to get passed the “Every time I see you I need to try to have sex with you game”. If I was the right one for her, then I would be with her. Throwing the dice, waiting for her to cheat seems below me. I will admit that we have an un-severed connection that lingers. I felt it and so did she. We generally missed each other. And even though I would’ve pushed her to contemplate the feelings and maybe feel them out once again, I didn’t. I’m nowhere near ready to try to get her back. But I’m in repair. And who knows, when everything comes together, our boats may even sail past each other, exposing me to someone new.

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One thought on “In Repair

  1. blushingsea says:

    I completely understand how you feel. I’m going through something similar, but we’ve been apart for over a year now. First love’s die hard. I’m dreading the day I run into him. Considering we live in different provinces, it wouldn’t seem likely, but I just heard he was in town recently. Also, apparently he went to visit my parents. I won’t lie – that upset me.

    It’s tough, but you’ll get there. We will all get there. 🙂

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