April 25, 2012 by Manny Wordsmith
How do you find your way back from that inevitable breakage?
Feelings find a sassy way of creeping up, like strep throat before a big speech or diarrhea on a road trip. You think you have it in order; a spoonful of honey, some Imodium A.D., but you don’t. It over takes you. So you get rid of the pictures, take the person off your Facebook, stop following them on Twitter, hoping the sudden disappearance of evidence will mean they never existed at all. But they do.
I read somewhere that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. That is a clever string of thoughtless words. Like vagina and penises can just disperse emotions like sexual fluid.
“Hey girl, can you go ahead and swallow the last emotions I have for my ex please? I would love to forget the three years of our relationship and how much I loved her…thank you.”
It doesn’t happen. We all joke like it makes us stronger and more courageous, like taking down a lion with our bare hands. But it doesn’t. It makes us look petty and weak and unable to navigate a rapids of love and hate without grabbing on a dick vine or shortcutting through boobie mountains. And like the other things mentioned before, not even this can make the person disappear from existence.
It sounds like I’m preparing to teach everyone who’s reading this how to kill their ex’s for the sake of happiness, but that’s not it. I’m just presenting the fact that rebounds don’t always work. You have to at some point get a hold the feelings you have for that person and face them, truly knowing within yourself, deep down, that you really didn’t need them in the first place. If you don’t, the amount of sex you “rebound” won’t change your mind when your lost love texts you a booty call.
There have been times when I wanted to do exactly what Justin Timberlake did in the “Cry Me A River” video. But before I could buy a leather jacket or find a really sexy girl to make out with me on camera, my ex’s would have babies…or get fat, and on some occasions, BOTH. After that, usually, the feelings fade. There’s a sense of finality when someone pushes out a little demon or can’t stop themselves from making and eating every chocolate treat recipe they find on Pinterest. When this doesn’t happen, I actually have to talk things out with the person and wait till we have an understanding about how things went down. Sometimes, the agreement that neither one of us were compatible with each other, is the best end product. That way, I can move on without thinking that I lost “the one”. That sense of walking away from a potential soul mate can make you trip over your own feet, over and over again.
“Wait a sec, she didn’t even like “Star Wars”, “The Breakfast Club”, sleeping in late, Jack Johnson, Hi-C Fruit Punch, Arby’s Curly Fries, comic books, or dogs! Why did I even waste my time with a person who thought He-Man was gay and Fiona Apple was the greatest singer of our times!? Time to send that picture of my middle finger, right before I block her number and erase her contact!”
you’d be surprised how quickly you can realize the bullshit you put up with, when you lay it all out for yourself.
It’s stupid to think that a rebound lay is gonna be enough to reignite your broken heart, and place you above the person who left you or you let go. So find some understanding or just wait for your ex to get ugly. Or even better, wait till they have a kid out of wedlock, and then laugh when they can’t stop asking your cousin (who lives down the street from her) for money every time they drink up their bingo winnings. Shakespeare couldn’t write something that tragic.