The Creeper-Blocker

2

February 16, 2012 by Manny Wordsmith

I write this with no music. Instead I listen to two girls as they chat next to me.

It’s interesting listening to people talk, who really don’t care that anyone is listening. Their openness is incredible. The pair, a blonde and a brunette, have gone over the pitfalls of new fashion, living at home, boys and clubbing. The clubbing subject has been my favorite so far.

During this 10-minute volley of ranting, both girls admitted to only going to Luna Nightclub, in Royal Oak, to dance with their girls. The blonde, who I will call Suzy, warned her brunette friend…lets call her Cheryl, that if she goes back to Luna again, she must bring a guy friend to protect her from the creepers. This struck me as interesting. So I thought back to all the times I was invited by girls to show up at some bar or club, just to not go home with them. At the time, I assumed, above anything else, that they just wanted to enjoy my company. But now as I sit here, listening to mousey Suzy chatter away, I think I might have been a creeper-blocker…most of the time.

Some pretty girls, who are single, seem to have some twisted sense of entitlement. They believe, during their relationship hiatus, that a “male friend” substitute can be brought along to garner attention and protect them from the unwanted.

What am I talking about? There are ugly girls who can get the same thing. There are no rules for women.

But this isn’t totally their fault. Most of the guys who take on this service do it out of their own free will! Usually to get closer to the girl’s heart (or vagina) and be next in line to be dated. But usually, this type of dude never gets picked up for the job.

This mix-matching of emotional inadequacies happens more than you think. I think movies, especially ones produced or directed by Judd Apatow (“40-year-old Virgin”, “Knocked-Up”, “Superbad”), can make some guys believe that their sense of humor or social awkwardness can somehow win them a place with one of the pretty girls. Other things can also create this illusion (over-encouraging mothers, comic books, softcore porn). It’s just sad, because I know what the formula asks for. Confidence.

That easy. On the tip of every nerds tongue. Some people call it, “being an asshole”, but it’s just knowing what you want and not caring about the people who attempt to oppose you. I have so many friends that struggle with this. And because of the lack of this, they’ve fallen for some of the most uppity, pig-headed dudes and the stupidest, morally distant women you would ever meet.

“Do I call her? Do I compliment her? Should I just make fun of her and spill her drinks on purpose?”

No one knows these answers, because women don’t even know these answers.

But If you look at any Playboy Centerfold interview, under the “likes” and “dislikes”, you will almost always find the words “nice guy” and “good sense of humor” under the likes. And under the dislikes, you’ll almost most definitely find “assholes” and “guys who spend more time in the bathroom than me”, or something to those degrees. But I’m not saying that nude models are the best representation of the female psyche, I’m just saying that these type of girls who want to be showered with glamour and attention, really want a good guy.

Some say that the confusion comes from the plague of youth and inexperience. And that when a girl gets older, she prioritizes and choses her mates more wisely. I think that’s bull. I think it’s because no one has confidence in themselves anymore. And that’s what causes these disparages.

A girl who’s in love with her body isn’t gonna need a douchebag guy to make her feel needed. A guy who’s ok with having a little gut and Star Wars figurines, isn’t gonna need a Barbie doll to carry him through a nightclub like Pomeranian in a purse. He and she will instead seek counterparts that are like them, because they won’t be afraid of who they are. The confidence in their loves, hates and career choices will buy them the patience to allow love to swoop in like a dove instead of crash landing like an albatross.

But I will end my rant by saying this. Don’t be anyone’s Creeper-Blocker. You can be a friend if that’s all you’re looking for, but don’t put yourself in some secondary position just because you think the person will finally see what they’ve missed. We’re all better than that.

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2 thoughts on “The Creeper-Blocker

  1. Wesley says:

    You are officially one of my favorite people. I seriously can’t stop reading. It’s like you are in my mind.

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