January 21, 2012 by Manny Wordsmith
Dear Russian Girl in my class,
Whenever you speak I can’t help but think about James Bond Super-Villain Xenia Onatopp, Linka from “Captain Planet” and Bruce Wayne’s Ballerina date in “The Dark Knight”. This makes me want to talk to you. Maybe even ask you to say “Moose and squirrel”.
You may be offended by my forward nature at first, but I promise that my charm will excite you. And if that doesn’t work, just know that I can recite every song from Fox Animation’s hit musical “Anastasia”. Liz Callaway has nothing on me.
If we ever have a chance to get a drink, I know of a great place where vodka flows like water and the people are “red” friendly. No worries, there’s no more scares. Of course there was that spy Anna Chapman that was hanging around, but my friends and I are willing to exchange the basking of your beauty and voice for any qualms you may or may not have with our country. I don’t have any friends with nuclear launch codes either way, so I think were good.
So I hope this letter gets to you my beautiful Russian doll. If not, there has to be a mobster around a harbor somewhere I can pass it to. I know how much they look forward to us Americans meeting their women. Talk to you soon!
Looks just like you!!