Christmas Terminator

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December 23, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith

I still have two gifts to get…and I’m scared.

I scroll up and down my Facebook newsfeed, and look in disgust and how many places are “crowed as hell” or “Busy as f*@#!”. I think my procrastination has dug me into a hole I can’t easily climb out of. I will have to face the people. I will be in Target soon, shoulder to shoulder with angry, impatient, snaggle-toothed headhunters, who would sell their first-born for a deal on an Xbox 360 or a Desperate Housewives Definitive Box-set. The mad rush of hungry, tired and stressed out shoppers creates an environment a lot like the Serengeti…and I’m a little scared.

I don’t want a repeat of Wednesday. So I’m listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album, attempting to overload myself with holiday cheer. That way I can walk in the store like an Xmas “T-1000”, and run to the gifts and get out of there as soon as possible. I might even have time to turn my hand into a knife and take a punk ass down hard…if need be.

“Feliz Navidad…bitch.”

Hopefully, it won’t come to that and everything will be cool. But if you hear on the news about a brawl in target, caused by a man in a cop uniform with a butter knife tapped in his hand, word to Shaggy, it wasn’t me.

Happy Holidays!




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