Wind, You Evil Bastard

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November 29, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith

It has rained constantly all day. Those who live within the boarders of southeastern Michigan know that today’s weather blows…no pun intended.

I laid in the bed this morning, listening to the outside wind howl. It spoke to me.

“Doooooooooon’t Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Uppppppppppppppppp!”

And I really wanted to listen to it. I even thought about recording the message and sending it to my teacher.

“You see, the wind would like me to stay inside,” I’d tell her “where it’s warm. You can respect that right?”

Then all would’ve been well. I would’ve kindly tipped my hat to the gregarious wind and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, life isn’t a Pixar film. So instead of living the dream, I was forced to endure the whirling gruff of the wind.

I bundled up in layers and took my leap into the undiluted gale. It was angry that I chose to leave. My outright defiance made the ill-tempered wind rough me up a bit, sloshing rain sideways and into my fluttering hoodie. I screamed out my apology.

“I had to get to class man! Can you understand that?”

It responded by swaying me into a large puddle, sending water into my shoes and pant leg. I raised my fist, shaking it at the wind so it knew I would not fall.

“Damn you evil wind,” I gurgled “I only need to study French, the language of love! Where is your heart?”

Then immediately after my torrent…I slipped and fell. Damn you wind, you evil bastard.

I wasn’t surprised. My luck fits the outcome. The second I left my apartment, I knew there was a good chance I would be beaten worse than an Occupy Wall Street Protester. This wind is a tough mofo. But I guess it’s better than a snowstorm.

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