Ultimate Adulthood

3

November 22, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith

After a night of rummaging through IKEA and drinking cocktails, I am tired.

I had a good night’s rest, but I still feel it in my calves. And the Manhattans! Oh those fancy Manhattans and how they always find a way to not only intrigue me, but settle those pesky nerves of mine. But oh do I feel them in the morning. I have no idea how Don Draper does it.

Look how happy this guy is. I’d imagine that the other guy is jealous of his awesomeness, maybe even a bit afraid of it.

It was only a matter of time before I started drinking this amazing adult beverage. I first thank Jeff and his family for introducing me to it back in December of last year. I would also like to thank Bridget for letting me know that 5 p.m. is the perfect time to start drinking them…especially after a day of French coffee and conversation.

I feel like I should’ve been drinking grown man drinks years ago, but dammit if a Cranberry and Vodka or a Pineapple and Rum don’t taste good. Now I only drink dark liquor. Cognac and Whiskey to be specific. It’s a long way from the Smirnoffs and Mike’s Hard Lemonades I drank during my pussified youth. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll finally get some hair on my chest.

On the other end of this…I was tired this morning…from WALKING! Out of shape is no good for me, especially if I plan on saving the world and being a super bad ass in the process. I need to be able to pull off that parkour shit and jump across buildings and allude goons in busy intersections and metropolitan areas. If I can’t do that, then why am I even here? I’ve already perfected the sideways, slow motion John Woo shooting style.

You don’t want to battle me in a Chinese teahouse or a modern designed Hong Kong apartment building. Doves will fly out of my jacket and then shit will go down.

Click here to see a Teahouse Shootout done right!

I’m almost at the peak of being the ultimate human being. And this should be every man’s dream.

To be Confident in your drink

Confident in your body (So you can pull off those fancy Kama Sutra moves Shelly from human resources asked you to learn for after the office christmas party.)

Confident in knowing that if needed, you can take down an entire clan of angry triads (A love for Asian action films and revenge should never go to waste.)

And just overall confident in how you present yourself.

If you have all these things down, then your on your way. Now all you have to do is stop talking like a text message and stop using fake combined words like chillax and sexpert.

Oh and the recipe to greatness

Enjoy, and comments are ALWAYS welcomed!!

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3 thoughts on “Ultimate Adulthood

  1. Abs says:

    Effs I love the way you write… I would like a novel written by you on my wedding day. K thanks.

  2. Joe Wells says:

    Good stuff man. Love the way you put them words down. Definitely found your voice that is for sure.

    P.S. I don’t know how Don does it either but damn I am trying.

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