Blatant Generalizations and Sarcasm Brought To You By…

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September 20, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith

I love how a library can become a public forum for hi-jinx and horseplay.

It’s like a Transformer. You think it’s a library, but out of nowhere it turns into a social club for teenagers who don’t want to go home after class! You hear that all so familiar “CHUU CHUU CHEE CHEA CHEE!” sound and you know it’s on!

Now you can be as loud as you want!

You know if you went home mama wouldn’t stand for this type of Tom foolery. So you hangout, treating this library as your own personal basement, minus the weed smoking and heavy petting. But it’s only a matter of time before they take one of the study rooms and turn it into the “Make out Corner”. You’ll pay a fee, you’ll get in, and then you can make out to some of your favorite R.Kelly and Lady Antebellum tracks! I love college! There’s so much freedom to be inconsiderate.

And if you’re black then you’re in luck! Because why prove that you’re above a stereotype when you can just treat every encounter like it’s movie night in the ghetto theatre! Don’t worry about being quiet. No one expects it. They just expect you to do really, really good at sports or wear the tightest leopard print leggings you can find. No weight requirements so don’t worry.

If you’re a middle eastern or Indian female…just laugh, giggle, and chase your friends throughout the facility. Get all that extra energy out, because we know some of you ladies won’t even be able to cough at the dinner table without being reprimanded. And for the dudes, enjoy those white girls! It’s not like they’re everywhere. It’s not like there’s a billion places that you can mack on a blond. Just if you’re doing it here, be careful to ignore all the enjoyable dirty looks from not only the women of your on race, but the angry jocks that think all of you are terrorists!

White girls! I didn’t forget you! Please stay for the good times and makeup tips. Whip out that Mademoiselle magazine and chatter about how many Louis Vutton products your dad is gonna buy you for your birthday! A privileged West Bloomfield upbringing has allowed you to be anything you want in this world! Including obnoxious! Fellas, watch YouTube videos with the volume up. Because we all know that seeing your homie take a whiffle bat to the balls is only funny when you can hear him scream! After that you can practice gay bashing when you see a guy walk by with skinny jeans! That’s the mature thing to do. Make everyone that doesn’t wear Hollister Shirts and Diesel Jeans feel like a piece of shit!

All jokes aside though, this is really ridiculous. I shouldn’t be able to make it a color thing. But as you can tell, everyone is doing their equal parts to make this library unbearable. Except for Asians.

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