June 1, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith
After a weekend of heavy alcohol consumption and wasteful thinking, I find myself planted in silence in the back of my school’s library. My false domestication doesn’t fool anyone here. My bloodshot eyes and scruffy chin speaks volumes. My demeanor might say B student, but my crooked smile screams vodka slurping booze hound.
I take the chances a lot of my friends and family do not. Most of them have anchors that keep them in order. They have nice jobs, wives, girlfriends, husbands, kids, judgmental parents, a deep sense of moral behavior. I have none of those things. I’m a knucklehead and a quick talker who can squeeze a sliver of highlight film out of a week of French, News Writing, News Broadcasting and T.V. Criticism homework.
But that sliver has its costs…
I really don’t want to become a mediocre student because I can’t refuse a night out, or a life that puts me in a bar or house party any day of the week. But even when I don’t go out I still find myself escaping through movies and Filipino martial art videos.
That Kali shit is no joke!
The last part is a little more recent, but I’ve looked to movies for escape ever since I was a kid. You’ll never know what the words “In a galaxy far, far away” meant to a kid who couldn’t turn the volume of his dad’s voice down…
I don’t know whose voice I’m trying to fly away from now. Maybe it’s my own. I can feel the better person inside and I know what needs to be done to put the right responsibilities on top instead of at the bottom. But these flashing lights are my kyrptonite.
I guess this is the life of a bachelor. There’s Hot Pocket dinners, cheap beer and disgusting mixed shots. Wrinkled ATM receipts, headaches, and drunk texts you can never get back. There’s the continuous race to solidify your masculinity by racking up as many fuck stories and disparaging experiences with women as you can. And when you think that’s too much, there’s always room for emptiness. That wonderfully feeling that can’t be filled no matter how many drinks you down or condom wrappers you leave on the floor.
The camaraderie is probably the best part of all this. Just finding kindred souls who are trying to climb out the muck like you is refreshing. I know time one of us figures things out, the message will be passed along. Till then, debauchery and irresponsibility. Peace fam.