February 21, 2011 by Manny Wordsmith
It’s hard trying to concentrate on writing a blog when your 3 yr old nephew enjoys dropping wrestling toys from the top of the bed.
I didn’t sign up for this.
I didn’t sign up for the constant noise caused by his insatiable need to slide his butt down the stares instead of walking. I’m a nice guy. I’m a good uncle. But when I ask him to quiet down what do I get in return?
“Shut tup or I’ll put chu in da face!”
Being threatened by a toddler is never something to giggle or smile about. It’s not cute and it’s definitely not funny. He is seriously the only person who can speak to me this way and not get choked out. But I’m fine. I’ll just write down every infelicitous remark and return the favor by de-pantsing him at his high school prom.
My family thinks it’s funny…obviously. And they also think I never want to have kids. And that’s not true at all. Other people’s kids annoy me, but that doesn’t automatically mean mine will. And if they do it wouldn’t matter because they would BE MINE! Any teeth gritting quirk that’s bestowed on them will be my fault and the fault of the crazy woman who decides to settle down with me. People with kids never want to admit that their kids may be too much for someone else. So they scrunch their faces at you and shake their fingers, hoping to make you feel guilty. But I’m not feeling guilty. I’m convinced that my nephew is out to get me. You may think it sounds silly, but you’re not the one enduring this constant barrage of INSOLENCE! So I write this blog as evidence, so when the years pass and things don’t change, I’ll at least be able to say I knew it all along.