Dialogues with Edmond & Rick: A Rainy Night

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November 10, 2010 by Manny Wordsmith

The rainy night didn’t put a smile on Edmond’s face. He was pissed. And he had good reason to be pissed. His girl, only the second one he’s ever had, left him. Yes, our hero is heartbroken once again, in the rain this time, attempting to put together the pieces. But not without his trusted friend Rick

This sucks

Yep

No like this really sucks

No I know. I understood the severity of the statement the first time. I just don’t have anything prolific to say.

Nothing to say?

Nothing.

What? Wait, no that’s not how this goes. I talk, you listen, you analyze, then I either become infuriated at you or I love you more. There’s no middle ground. I refuse to let you be Switzerland.

I’m not your shrink Eddy and you’re not on a couch.  I’m just your friend, out here in the rain, staring into your ex’s bedroom window just as baffled as you are.

Yeah…Magenta is a horrible color for a bedroom isn’t it?

Terrible, it’s really bad on the eyes

I tried to tell her to pick something more neutral, woodsy, but she thought beige was too hospital/library. And you know her mom worked in a hospital and died in that book avalanche last year, so it was a sensitive thing. But I didn’t want her to pick something depressing and mono-chromatic. I already had to deal with her acting all Wednesday Addams on me, so I just let her pick this.

Not one of your best moments Ed

Not at all

So this guy is supposed to be coming over around 8?

That’s what he said on her Facebook

Thought she deleted you?

She did.

Then how did you find out?

Ryan Deedle.

Ryan who?

Ryan Deedle. They graduated together. The guy was a total nerd, but Julia had a soft spot for him so she let him hang around, sniff her hair, things like that.

And what does Ryan the Hair Sniffer have to do with all this.

Well he didn’t have a Facebook page. Crazy right? So I made him one.

Oh no, you didn’t do what I think you did. Did you?

If you think I used Ryan’s name and information to trick Julia into adding me for the sole purpose of stalking her wall then you’re wrong!

Oh good. I was about to say

I also did it so I could slowly begin retagging myself in her photos. There’s no reason for her to make everyone think she went on Splash Mountain with a stranger.

Edmond!! That is nuts, you can’t do that! What if the real hair sniffer comes along and finds her!

Oh that’s impossible Rick. He’s in some Cambodian jail for rape! Who’d a thunk right? Saw him on “Locked up Abroad” last week. Don’t think they got computers there.

You’re the only person I know that would knowingly steal the i.d. of a rapist, just to spy on your ex.

People have done crazier things for love

Like what?

There was this one guy I knew that dressed up like a girl and became his divorced wife’s nanny just so he could see his kids and win back their hearts!

That was MRS. DOUBTFIRE!

That’s beside the point Rick. Love is love. Fiction or non-fiction. It transcends all.

You’re an idiot

Yeah I figured you would get to that soon

So what are we trying to see here?

I just want to see how she reacts; I want to know if she’s happier without me.

What makes you think she’ll keep the window open when he gets there?

I’m not positive of anything right now; I just know she loves the rain. She never closes the window when it’s raining.

No matter what?

No matter…wait you don’t think?

It’s a possibility. This may be a booty call.

But she just start added this guy yesterday! It can be at that stage now!

How long did it take you guys to get to “The Stage”

Like 3 months. She had a really bad headache for like 3 weeks and then whenever we were alone she’d just fall asleep or have long conversations with her mom on the phone. Finally I just tricked her into taking some extra shots at the bar and she was finally frisky enough to get dirty. But she kept calling me by my middle name though, that was weird.

Why what is it?

Michael, but I never told her my middle name.

Hmm…yeah dude…that is weird…

So I yeah I have no idea how this new guy will get laid so soon. I hope he’s ready to buy lots of Tylenol.

 

The End

 

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