Once Upon a Time In Germany: A Small Window Into Thailand

2005

My hair was shorter then. I had a little mustace, but nothing on the chin. It was regulation. The Army frowned on goatees and fu man chus. I still didn’t know how to dress myself quite yet so I stuck with dark blue jeans, bright tee’s, and trucker hats…lots and lots of trucker hats. It could of been any day that year that this happened. My two homeboys will most honestly agree. This is a small window into a part of my life that was spent in Germany’s most premier dive bar…

It was a very drunken night. The colors and sounds of the bar mixed to make a magical muffling that swaddled my body a little tighter everytime a shot of El Toro tequila touched my lips.

It was pleasant. Ding’s loud screeching voice didn’t pierce like it usually did. She grabbed my nose and yelled something at me, but I just smiled. Her Thai-lish was mostly commands anyway. It was never anything important

“Usher do dis!”

“Usher do dat!”

“Usher why you not dance!”

“Usher, Usher and then SOMETHING REALLY LOUD IN THAI!”

(I know that’s not my name and everyone who’s reading this is wondering why Usher? Another time and another story…so keep reading!!!)

My eyes rolled and I disappeared from the bar for a while. I flew to a grandiose land where Ding and I danced on stars and skipped across moonbeams. She wasn’t yelling at me or telling me what to do. She only smiled and whispered little haiku’s and sonnets in my ear.

You look so good man

The way you see me is good

Let’s now go make out

Her brown eyes and chocolate skin warmed against mine. She wore a sundress that was made out fabric with my pictures on them. She was so dedicated. Her petite frame fit perfectly in my arms inticing me to pull her body closer.  My fingers flowed slowly through her long dark hair. She decorated  her locks with blond and orange highlights like an October Autumn day. I looked into her eyes and she said,

“ฉันรักคุณ”

and I said. “I have no idea what you just said but I’m gonna kiss the living hell out of you”

Our lips met and it was like the whole world was at peace. Muslims and Jews sang in harmony. Catholics and Atheists pushed each other in swings! Democrats and Republican’s played Scattagories, and Bill O’ Reilly guest starred in 50 Cent’s new video! All was good till…

SLAP!!!!!

“USHER!!! You pick next song!! And I don’t like to kiss you when you soooo drunk. You lick my chin!!”

She shoves the euro dollar into my hand and points at the jukebox. Raul and CG turn slightly in their bar stools to laugh and taunt me. Another night in Frankfurt Germany’s Cafe Elle a.k.a Thailand.